The Daily Puncilio Looking for Reporters
Here at the Daily Puncilio we have found that insulting complaints from subjects of our articles have caused several of our reporters to quit their jobs here. Now we are looking for people to fill them in. Then we will write an article to tell them that we didn't need them anyway and we filled there positions just like that while they hang around the unemployment agency! HA HA!!! So hurry and send us an article about something that has to do with ASOUE and we would be happy to print it. Who cares about facts?
~Eleanora Poe
Esme Squalor
Today at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, Sir, who’s last name I cannot spell nor pronounce, has been premoted at the mill and will now be working as teh biggger boss. He was ‘given the job’ because of several things; Using coupons as wages, not helping workers in danger and having a bad library. This ordeal has made one worker tell us all. ‘Sir was an amazing man but it could be better, he could be Count Olaf.’ That is what one worker called Phil said. Another, who wished of be called C, said that he was a terrible business partner so they made him the bigger boss so he didn't have to have a partner. Sir declined to comment but our ex-theatrical critic, Lemony Snicket, told us that he marreyed Dr Georgina Orwell in order to get the Baudelaire Fortune. This reporter, who wishes to be called J, wants everyone to know that he is indeed very excited. Reported by J.
